伍迪艾倫經典搞笑名言
以下是天才伍迪艾倫的25句中英搞笑名言..希望大家喜歡!..
woody allen quotes
1. harvard makes mistakes too, you know. kissinger taught there.
2. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.
3. as the poet said, ‘only god can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
4. i am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
5. i am not afraid of death, i just don’t want to be there when it happens.
6. i believe there is something out there watching us. unfortunately, it’s the government.
7. i don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what i really want to do is french-kiss her.
8. i don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.
9. i have bad reflexes. i was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
10. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia
11. i was nauseous and tingly all over. i was either in love or i had smallpox.
12. i’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
13. i’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around chinatown.
14. i’m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.
15. i’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
16. if my films make one more person miserable, i’ll feel i have done my job.
17. in beverly hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. they make it into television shows.
18. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.
19. most of the time i don’t have much fun. the rest of the time i don’t have any fun at all.
20. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.
21. some guy hit my fender, and i told him, ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.
22. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
23. what if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? in that case, i definitely overpaid for my carpet.
24. when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.
25. you can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
1、哈佛也會犯錯，因為基辛格在那兒教過書。
2、他太絕望了，為了自殺他居然要在一個美國人身邊呼吸。
3、就像詩人説的：“唯上帝之萬能，得以創造樹木”，可能是因為實在很難想出來怎麼給樹穿上樹皮。
4、我感謝大笑，除了牛奶從我鼻子裏噴出來的時候。
5、我不怕死，只是我不想在它發生的時候呆在那兒。
6、我相信在某個不為人知的地方，有個東西盯着我們。不幸的是，是政府。
7、我不必在想舌吻老婆的時候，來個 “自由之吻”（似乎是：反對法國因此把所有french 改成freedom）
8、我不想因工作而不朽。我想通過不死來達到這個目的。
9、我反應很差。有一次，兩個傢伙推着的一輛汽車把我撞倒了。
10、我上過速讀的課程，在20分鐘之內讀完了《戰爭與和平》。中間可扯着俄國呢。
11、我感到特別噁心、全身刺痛。要不是戀愛了，就是得了天花。
12、我可以罵他是虐待狂或者變態戀屍狂，但那只是對牛彈琴。
13、我對那些想“瞭解”宇宙，但卻連在中國城也會迷路的人感到非常詫異。
14、我是個非常好的情人，因為我總在自己身上練習。
15、我對我的那塊金懷錶引以為傲。我的祖父，在他臨死的時候，把這塊表賣給了我。
16、如果我的電影能讓受苦的人又多了一個，我覺得就達到目的了。
17、在比弗利山，他們不扔垃圾。他們把它拍成了電視節目。
18、生活充滿了痛苦、孤獨和折磨 ——而且總是那麼快就結束了。
19、大多數時候我不怎麼高興。其他時候我根本不高興。
20、我一生唯一的遺憾是，我不是別的什麼人。
21、有個傢伙撞上了我的擋泥板，我跟他説：“開枝散葉、多子多孫”，不過沒用這幾個字而已。（聖經裏面的話，本來好像是願大地碩果累累、生機勃勃，要不就是用在婚禮祝福上。這裏面應該是be fruitful and multiply就應該是罵人家……那什麼了）
22、人生裏有比死亡更糟的事情。你曾經和一個保險推銷員待過一整夜麼？
23、如果所有東西都是幻覺、全都不存在，怎麼辦？在這種情況下，絕對是我地毯買貴了。
24、當我被綁架的時候，我父母立刻採取了行動。他們把我的房間出租了。
25、你能長命百歲，如果你放棄了所有讓你希望長命百歲的東西。
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各種經典搞笑至理名言
以下是天才伍迪艾倫的25句中英搞笑名言..希望大家喜歡!..
woody allen quotes
1. harvard makes mistakes too, you know. kissinger taught there.
2. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.
3. as the poet said, ‘only god can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
4. i am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
5. i am not afraid of death, i just don’t want to be there when it happens.
6. i believe there is something out there watching us. unfortunately, it’s the government.
7. i don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what i really want to do is french-kiss her.
8. i don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.
9. i have bad reflexes. i was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
10. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia
11. i was nauseous and tingly all over. i was either in love or i had smallpox.
12. i’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
13. i’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around chinatown.
14. i’m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.
15. i’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
16. if my films make one more person miserable, i’ll feel i have done my job.
17. in beverly hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. they make it into television shows.
18. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.
19. most of the time i don’t have much fun. the rest of the time i don’t have any fun at all.
20. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.
21. some guy hit my fender, and i told him, ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.
22. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
23. what if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? in that case, i definitely overpaid for my carpet.
24. when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.
25. you can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
1、哈佛也會犯錯，因為基辛格在那兒教過書。
2、他太絕望了，為了自殺他居然要在一個美國人身邊呼吸。
3、就像詩人説的：“唯上帝之萬能，得以創造樹木”，可能是因為實在很難想出來怎麼給樹穿上樹皮。
4、我感謝大笑，除了牛奶從我鼻子裏噴出來的時候。
5、我不怕死，只是我不想在它發生的時候呆在那兒。
6、我相信在某個不為人知的地方，有個東西盯着我們。不幸的是，是政府。
7、我不必在想舌吻老婆的時候，來個 “自由之吻”（似乎是：反對法國因此把所有french 改成freedom）